It’s a funny irony how over the period of life as and when you grow old by experiencing, you change. Your beliefs change, your conceptualization of the world and the philosophy changes. Sometimes the changed you is the exact inversed reciprocation of what you were at some point of your life; the beliefs that pumped your adrenaline in your youth may have become a subject of disgust and pity. Just like when the youth, the glow, the vibrancy and the contour of your face was so staunch that you could not stop looking at yourself in the mirror without blinking your eyes, whereas over the period of time as you aged sorrows, worries and regrets replaced the glow of your face and the glitter of your eyes and you could not stand the mirror to see the some changed you.
I remember the time when I would observe people, just an insane mob of walking, rushing, panicking clueless people and I thought if there is any difference between them and a herd of cattle. I pitied them for the way they led their lives to the ultimate glory bed of death - unnoticed, unclaimed and unaccomplished. The youth of me constantly encouraged me that I could not be one of them; I would not be one of them. I would rather die than be a sheep in the cattle - my youth drugged every pore of me. Now today as I have aged with experience, the same youth of me is now a subject of pity and disgust. I do not want to see the wrinkled ugly face of my youth; for today I feel jealous that I am actually not a sheep in the cattle. I envy that nothing notices them, I am jealous that nothing claims them. I feel sorry that whatever is unaccomplished by them were just my perception – that I wanted me to accomplish. Now I know that what I wanted them to accomplish was none of their business.
Why could not I just be a sheep in the cattle? Why did I need to be wise and with intellect to define right and wrong, or follow the right or the wrong as decided by our predecessors (again homo sapiens) . Why did I need to be a theist or an atheist, why did I need to be a hindu, a muslim, a Christian, or a disciple of any other religion for that matter? Why did I need to have wisdom to practice happiness, sorrow, grief, when just as well I ( a fucking human being) could have lived the life without them and with no regrets.
I regret to not to be an animal who could just breathe, eat, hunt, graze and then die without making death a big deal. If I were one I would not have needed to have the blind faith, to live in the fools paradise. If i were one I would not have wasted time over unfruitful things – rather I would have enjoyed every moment of life even if I were just lying around and doing nothing. Doing nothing is far better than doing something foolish – I would not have hated people just coz they follow other religion or dont do what my religion tells to.
I would not have done any of those and lot many other foolish things; I would have rather played, breathed, grazed and fucked without any ifs or buts. I would not have worried all along to make sure that I do all the right things to secure an entry to the heaven – a fucking entry to the heaven!
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